We all like our marriage or relationship to be happily ever after kind of stuff but in reality, happily ever after is a myth.  It is achievable though that does not mean that you and your spouse will NEVER have arguments and/or disagreements.

A lot of people, during a heated argument just want to walk out or walk away from it all (taking the easy way out) and sometimes I do question what all these arguments mean and I just want it to end.  Basically arguments happen when two people disagree about a topic or one has invaded and challenge the others’ boundaries and limits.

The “victim” would feel that they are vulnerable and most of the time their defense wall will erect.  At times like these, both are thinking with their head and not heart, that is why sometimes we say things that hurt our spouse; words we don’t really mean which can threaten the relationship.  Arguments are energy draining and frustrating especially when one topic after another surface, it seem as if it is going no where and you wonder when will we come to a conclusion and agree or draw the line.

I would like to share with you what we learned from the marriage preparation course.  They outlined some RULES FOR ARGUMENTS in which when you argue fairly, arguments can be good.

1)  No name calling - don’t start calling each other names
2)  No third party - don’t involve a third party in the argument
3)  No past history - don’t bring up the past, what your spouse did or didn’t do; we all know we can’t change the past so let bygones be bygones
4)  Stick to the subject - sometimes we tend to divert the subject and bring it out of context
5)  Don’t hit below the belt - don’t pick on your spouse’s weakness and use it against them
6) Settle before sleep - “In your anger do not sin; do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” Ephesians 4:26

During arguments, we have to listen not only with our ears but with our hearts as well and we have to make the decision to be open in order for us to see the lessons that we need to learn through the arguments.

We, like any other couples out there, have good days and bad days.  There are days which goes on smoothly without any arguments and there are days where we have 2 or 3 “argument sessions” throughout the entire day.  At the end of it all, we will begin to define and learn more about each other which help us to grow as an invidual and as a couple.

I came across a book entitled “SACRED Marriage” in Salvation Bookstore.  It is written by Gary Thomas.  What really caught my attention and ultimately lead me to buying it (besides the price) was a sentence written on the cover; it says, “What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” This is something to think about as most of us think or want a happily ever after (happens only in Disney).

I personally can relate to the book because through the course of being with Vince, my walk with God has become closer, I learned to trust Him in every circumstances and my love for Him has deepen.  Among the past relationships I have had, I would say this is the most fulfilling.

We are not a perfect couple YET, we are looking forward to discover God’s purpose for us as we help each other grow to holiness as He has called us to be in 1 Peter 1:15,16 - But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”